She’s Her Own Being: Rethinking Parenting Through a Lens of Autonomy and Protection

Written by Enrique Iturriaga on

October 16, 2024

Parenting is a tricky thing. Before I had a daughter, I thought it would feel different—I thought it would feel like she was somehow “mine,” like I owned a part of her. But it doesn’t feel that way at all. I feel, deeply and constantly, that she is her own sovereign person, just as I am mine. I feel a different kind of connection than I expected, with a much stronger respect for her autonomy and her freedom. I see now that she is wholly separate from me, which is something I wasn’t prepared for.

Thinking about parenting objectively and considering what I believe makes for good parenting, I feel an intense responsibility to protect her—in every way. This means protecting her from the world, from social conditioning, and from anything that might steal away her potential for happiness and success, whatever that might mean for her. It’s now incredibly clear to me how disrespectful it is for parents to impose their unfulfilled dreams on their children. Living through their kids instead of letting them forge their own paths feels like the worst kind of theft. They were given a life of their own and now, having misused it, they want to steal someone else’s, taking away their child’s freedom in the process.

Freedom is everything. It’s what makes life feel vibrant and full of possibilities—a clean, open canvas. But freedom sometimes conflicts with my responsibility to keep her safe, in every sense—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I know there are times I’ll need to guide her away from choices that might ultimately harm her freedom, even if it means temporarily limiting it. Drugs are a prime example of this negative impact, whereas encouraging her to learn self-defense or invest her money are positive ways to protect her freedom. In both cases, it might feel to her as if I’m taking something away, but my intent is always to guard her independence.

The balance, I think, lies in letting her pursue her unique interests, even when I don’t fully understand them, and helping her see how I think about her life and freedom. My goal will always be her benefit, not using her life as a means to accomplish something I didn’t achieve in my own.